Admission

zeta3   I can already see the lengthening of the shadows and the shortening of the days. I think for the next month I will wear shoes as little as possible, connecting with the gentle earth, feeling the grasses between my toes and the sun baked soil beneath my feet. I guess it’s an attempt before the nights become long and all that’s grown so vibrantly throughout the summer falls into the dark slumber of the Winter for me to solidify my spirit with the Earth. A time for me to be one with those beyond the immediate realms of man. Now if that seems too deep, I’m just a Carolina girl, standing barefoot in a sun washed horse pasture looking for her mount, a big refreshing cup of sweet tea swirling with chunks of ice rapidly melting back at the stable. But its way more than that.

adm  I am one that can cast my eyes skyward to the jet arching upward in the skies and if I do not close my mind to the immediate task at hand I can feel the passengers and I know their stories. The heart ache of the young mother at the window seat. Looking out down below as the landscape flies by. Oh how she would rather be at home with her babe, embracing each moment of growth, absorbing every nuance of her child. For times like those are why she was really born. Not this. Endless travel, empty nights in a sterile hotel room, when she ached to smell the sweet crown of her child’s head and whisper away any new found terrors in the night. But the mortgage did not pay itself, so here she was heart torn and flying.

I can see the confusion in the grandmothers eyes as she sees the hatred, distaste and fear in the other passengers eyes when she unwraps the food she lovingly packed for her family in hours late, the night before. Near exhaustion and journeying from a far land, her heart carried her as cooked and wrapped and hoped. Hoped her grandchildren could laugh and play in a new Country, that the spark of life would return to the eyes of her son, and that her daughter in-law would not shed tears of fear every time thunder roared across the sky. For she is an old woman who lost the love of her life to bomb dropped from the sky. Probably not directed at the old farmer with the sun bright smile, gentle hands and his meandering herd of goats. But it took him anyway. So now because she dresses in the way of her people, in the fashion commanded by her God, they look in fear. She breathes deep, fear, they do not know fear.

am    I know the deep heartache of the executive in first class, the tie around his neck suddenly a choking noose as he stares at the photos of his wife locked in a torrid embrace with his partner of many years. I can feel his need for a bourbon, yet it’s too early in the day, his need to punch something, but that would get him arrested and his need to simply cry, yet he would look foolish to all that should revere his power, his savvy. I also know that he always suspected but was never certain. Now he replays every encounter, every across the table smile or gaze across a crowded room. I also know his gallant heart is broken and he wonders what it was all really for, this endless travel, the acquisition of all this fortune. In the end his money won’t kiss his forehead and tell him I love you, I’ll be along soon as he moves from this world to the next. I also know he’s ordered a double.

adm3   I am one of the many who deny and one of few who know. We are the children of the legends and the spinners of the tales. We know the Arthurs, the Guineveres and the Morgianes . We recognize our kindred and guard them with our souls. A daughter of Druids, a storm across the ocean, no I don’t ride a broom, yet I can drive a stick. As July wanes under this wide open sky I can admit who I am, choose to visit worlds uncharted, lives being lived, and things I know nothing about. So with the hot summer sun, the winds and the wildness I stand in this Carolina field, grass between my toes and the sun baked soil beneath my feet. I know my mount has felt my essence as I with hers and will soon be ambling across the field meet me. The ice in my tea back at stable has long since melted. But its way more than that.

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